Their words brought pain, not comfort

crying

“She’s in a better place”, “It’s God’s will” and “you’ll be alright in time” are a few of the cliches  people will give you in the wake of the death of someone you love. In this example, I’m referring to the death of my mother and the unsolicited remarks made the week of her funeral and thereafter. Years later, the only remark that made sense to me then and now is the last, “You’ll be alright in time.” So true; time heals all wounds. But those other remarks? Well my feelings then and my feelings now are, “How do you know she’s in a better place?” You’re not with her, you are here. And, is it God’s will for someone to suffer, be in pain, have seizures and then die? Really? Well…what kinda God do you have???

Unless you have experienced the death of someone you truly love and you missed their presence so much that you suffered, this here blog ain’t for you. If your momma is living, your daddy is in the room with you and the only death you have ever experienced is Fluffy the dog or Felix the cat, then you may not understand what I’m saying. But, if your life experiences include the death of someone you truly loved and you had a hard time dealing with their absence, or if you are going thru that now, then this blog may be of some relevance to you.

Back to those remarks at the beginning here. Those are the top three statements that I just hated to hear. I thought that if I heard “She’s in a better place” one more time I would punch someone in their mouth. I am not and have never been a violent person but the rage that flared inside of me every time I heard that dam “She’s in a better place” was so fierce that I began to retract. I became a hermit; I stayed to myself but eventually widened my circle to two and then three confidants that had the sense to just be kind. And quiet. My “hermit” stage lasted about two years.

Two years may sound like a long time, but I continued life by going thru the motions. I did what I had to do and I went where I needed to go but I was emotionally detached. I did not want to punch no one in the face but everyone was so adamant that “She’s in a better place”. Ugh!!!

What I did during those “hermit” years brought healing and that rage finally left. How I moved on is the secret that I share with you in my book“The Secret to Healing and Finding Com fort”.

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3 Comments

  1. Wow! I know just how you felt. I have dealt with the very same ironies. I truly thank you for your expressiions and sharing and I am anxiously awaiting your book. I will see you next month if I do not bump into you at church before then. God Bless You!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “Call me any time you need to talk! I mean ANY time!” Spoken by a stranger… Words never meant to be taken up on, for if one does, then there’s the uncomfortable silence, for they only meant those words in the moment. Insincere words usually spoken by someone who needs to feel great about themselves.

    The best comfort I received? A gentle hand on the arm while the person had tears in their eyes, but no words to say.

    There’s something to be said for silence when you can see the other person is deeply affected too.

    So glad you came out of that dark time.

    Peace,
    Tamara

    Liked by 1 person

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