Today’s Healing Secret is Forgiving or Forgiveness.
Forgiveness and the act of forgiving means different things to different people but the end results are the same: the bitter taste in your mouth when you think about what was done to you…is gone! The curl of the lip, that scowl that passed across your face, the voice change, the utter disgust and tremendous hate for the target of your anger disappears when you forgive.
The way I see it, there are three distinct reasons to forgive and 3 types of forgiveness.
There is the Christian’s viewpoint and reason: forgive others and God will forgive you. God will not forgive those who refuse to forgive others. That being said, we Christians know we are not and will never be a perfect being, we will make mistakes and do wrong; therefore we will always need God’s forgiveness to move on. But if/when we refuse to, for whatever reason we may have, forgive those who have wronged us, we will not receive forgiveness from God. So Christians forgive. That sounds self serving to me.
There is the layperson or even the legal definition of forgiveness which basically says STOP: stop feeling anger and stop blaming someone who has done you wrong; and stop requiring payment of someone who owe you money.
There is the psychologist’s definition which is my favorite of the three:
Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
I really could and maybe should end this post here and tell you to click on definition scroll down from the quote and observe how forgiving helps the forgiver.
My definition of forgiving is, “Letting go. Don’t think about it, don’t talk about it. Drop you emotions of anger and animosity toward the person, persons, incident or situation. Most of all, don’t seek revenge. Forget it. Move on.”
My advice on the subject of forgiving:
Let go of all the hate,
the grudge and the resentment,
that constant burning desire to get back
(also called revenge),
Let go the feelings of disgust and
all negative emotions associated
with the subject of your anger
Just stop it.
Forgiving is a verb, an action word. Forgive is a little word but a powerful act. Forgiving is a deliberate decision that require mental strength and mental clarity; it is not the choice of punks. Punks are concerned with image, how something appear. To forgive makes the forgiver look like…well…a punk. The forgiver may appear to be weak when they refuse to get revenge. Forgivers are often the center of jokes or sarcastic statements; many times they are laughed at, scoffed. The forgivers that immediately come to mind are:
Jesus Christ who forgave the Roman soldiers and the Jewish people who allowed his crucifixion.
David forgave Saul many times for many things, mostly for trying to kill him
Rodney King did not condone the looting and rioting following the verdict of innocent on the officers that savagely beat him. “Can’t we just get along?” is still associated with him in jest.
The Amish Community forgave the man who massacred their children. Many people, especially the non Christians, think the Amish are silly for forgiving the killer. My question to those who feel that way is, What will be gained by hating the killer? He killed 5 children and as I posted earlier, it is never too late to apologize or to forgive. Death does not make it impossible to forgive.
I am not saying that forgiving is easy. It is not easy but it is possible.
I am Christian and I am not going to delve into the Christian reasons on why anyone should forgive. I’d rather inform you of the benefits associated with forgiving those who have wronged you.
Your health will improve
You will feel better. Yes you will feel great. Your headaches will go away. Your blood pressure will drop. Your heart rate will regulate itself to normal. No palpitations or fluttering of the heart.
Your mental health will improve. That revenge energy will be used in another, more useful capacity.
You will look better. The scowl and ugly looks will disappear. You may get prettier, more handsome.
You will sleep better. Remember: “Don’t go to bed angry”? Now that you are no longer creating plans and ways to get back at someone, you can rest and sleep.
You will live longer. This article says: ‘if you want to benefit from the life-extending benefits of forgiveness, don’t wait for others to apologize to you or to promise that they will change. Start the process within your own mind, and you’ll be happier, and live longer.’
Forgiving is an act that frees the forgiver. It is an act of love shown to the forgiven by cancelling or forgetting their bad deed; it is an act of love the forgiver show to himself by releasing all that stuff and freeing himself from the burdens of hate, animosity and the task of getting revenge. It gives you, the forgiver, freedom, it releases you from the pain and agony of whatever it is that was done to you. Once you try to move on you will receive energy and strength to move on. This is where the presence of the Lord or the Holy Spirit comes in and rescue you. I honestly don’t know how one who don’t believe in a Jesus’s healing power or the Holy Spirit finds the will or power to forgive and move on but I know it can be done. This is how I know: Buddha came before Jesus Christ and he advised to forgive and leave the anger alone:
Nelson Mandela’s life was taken away for years because he did sign a piece of paper. He left all the messy negative emotions in the prison, came out, forgave and made history.
Begin a new life by forgiving. Start your new life by forgiving the most important person in your life ………………………………………………and that will be YOU. Yes, forgive yourself first. Forgive yourself completely. Be honest with yourself and forgive yourself for all the mistakes, errors in life you made, bad decisions, no decisions and for just doing whatever you felt without thinking. Have you given you heart to the wrong person? Forgive yourself! Did you trust the wrong person? Have you ever confided in an untrustworthy person? Forgive yourself for your actions, then forgive your betrayer.
The first 20-30 years of my life I disrespected my body in so many ways. I had to stop and forgive myself. Is there anything you have done that you are not proud of? Forgive yourself! Is there anything you should have done or you should have said that you did not? Maybe you were afraid of the repercussions, afraid of what would or would not happen. Sometimes we sit in silence and watch when we should be active and vocal. Well, do better, speak up and forgive yourself for your inactivity.
Self love begin with forgiving yourself, accepting yourself, loving yourself and moving on doing better. Too often in life I’ve seen people beat themselves up for their own mistakes, bad decisions or actions. Recognize your errors, forgive yourself and “keep it moving.” How can you forgive anyone else when you continue to beat yourself up? Forgiveness begins with you and spread out. Love begins with you and spread out. Remember “Charity begins at home”? Forgiveness begins at home and that ‘home’ is you.
Now don’t get confused. When you forgive, that don’t mean you remain in the forgiven’s presence. In fact, if you can leave the person you forgave alone, do that. If you must mingle with them, as in a work setting, be cordial, be civil and polite and move on.
Confucius said, “Anger makes you smaller while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.”
Those who are familiar with the basics of metaphysics understand that what you spend your energy on is what you will attract. If you spend your mental or physical energy on devising plans to harm someone or repay wrong for wrong, you will attract harmful situations to yourself. When you hold on to anger and all the negative stuff that comes with it, you put yourself in danger of attracting to yourself all the emotions you hold. Your anger will become the root to other problems and you may find yourself in a cycle of attracting bad situations, getting angry, seeking revenge and repeating the cycle. This vicious cycle will continue until you learn the lesson of forgiveness.
In the meantime, your health will deteriorate. Hopefully it will only be your physical health, there is medicine for the body. Many mental health issues begin with a trauma, a wrongdoing. We do not have control on many things that happen to us but we do control our own thoughts. We cannot control crimes against us or our bodies but we can forgive the rapist, assailant, the robber, the thief, the con person and concentrate on healing our bodies, our minds and our finances.
Did you know that the students of metaphysics say that unforgiveness, resentment, holding bad thoughts or thoughts of ill will causes tumours and cancer? Think about it, it has to go somewhere.
Let it go and enjoy freedom.
The Secret to Healing and Finding Comfort gives a step by step guide on how to forgive a person or situation after their death.
Header image courtesy of emetministries.org
Thank you for stopping by. As a token of my appreciation for you I leave you with the mystifying Prayer Plant. It closes its leaves at night and stay that way until sunrise. In the morning this mystifying plant will open and spread its leaves until sundown. We can learn a lesson from this plant by asking for forgiveness each night and giving forgiveness each morning. 🙂
Coming : our guest will share her secret on how to get a new attitude!