Divorce: Part 2, the minor problem

Sometimes healing is obtained thru divorce-where a child “divorce” or sever the ties between their self and an abusive parent. Hopefully some type of mediation is attempted before the actual divorce request takes place.

It is unfortunate but there are homes that are not fit for a child or teen to live in. It is not the building, the house that is unfit it is the activity-or lack of activity that take place inside. The age of the child that seeks a “divorce” will determine the procedure and results of the petition. When a minor or someone in the minor’s behalf seek a “divorce” or separation from their parents/family for neglect, abuse or the presence of a dysfunction in the household and the minor is not financially independent, the minor will be put into a system that will provide protection and care. The Department of Children and Family Services, or Child Protective Service or Child Welfare, all bureaucracies, will enter the child’s life.

The situation and dynamics within the reported family will be examined and if found unfit or unhealthy, the children will be removed from the home. In the less extreme cases the judge in family court may require or issue a court order to the adults to attend specific classes. The classes may be Parenting Classes, Anger Management class or both.

“Parenting classes are found all throughout the United States, and they cater to parents with children of all ages. The primary goals of parenting classes include improving relationships between parents and their children, and teaching parents how to deal with the daily responsibilities of maintaining a home and family, in positive ways.”

I cannot stress the importance of professional counseling in the presence of super stress and disagreements that occur in human relations. Every marriage should invest in marriage counseling before visiting an attorney. The same advice holds true for family disagreements; there are therapists and professionally trained counselors available and will provide mediation for troubled children/teens and their families. I thank God for a mother who sent me to Al-Anon to get help. Alcohol abuse, drug use, gambling and sex addiction will destroy finances and can tear a family apart. When an adult make the decision to stay in a marriage that faces these types of challenges, the children are in need of professional care to survive. The need for professional counseling is so recognized and respected it can be found free of charge from professional groups and agencies. It is now unnecessary to suffer in silence and not get the counseling one need because, thank you President Obama, the affordable health care act provides coverage for counseling services. At the very least, find a good support group to interact with

Often, street smart teens, knowledgeable about the Department of Children and Family Service and how that agency “service” families, choose to run away and fare the best they can rather than stay in their home or risk getting placed in a foster home. Without a steady income source and/or proof they have been living elsewhere for a year, they are not going to be emancipated, instead they will become the responsibility of the state they live in. When emancipation is not granted and the minor is removed from the home for their own protection, the life of everybody involved is turned upside down.

What would make a bureaucracy take responsibility of someone’s child? Neglect, abuse, illegal activity on the parents’ part or their leaving to begin a jail or prison sentence  may contribute to the Child Welfare Agency’s involvement. It is a rare occasion when the child reports their own family, unless for revenge, because the urban youth, sophisticated and street wise, can pretty much predict the outcome of their own report.

If you know life inside your home is shaky, such as an addict is in the attic, a drunk is in the closet, Chester the molester watches the kids play and you are wringing your hands and crying, you all need a counselor.  The family needs a family counselor and each member in the attic, the closet or hiding in the basement need their own counselor; don’t share, get your own. This is not the time for shame, false or genuine, to govern your decision. Get help. Why would you want a court to order you to get counseling? Go to the very agency that may breakup your family and ask them for help; ask them for counseling. They will provide it and be very lenient and forgiving if someone reports you as an abuser or negligent. Do not forget to forgive yourself and/or the members in your household.

“I wish Mommy would ‘vorce Daddy. But when I grow up I’m gonna ‘vorce Mommy and Daddy cos they make me sick,” spoken by a kindergartener who suffers with asthma.

Coming soon: Estrangement and adults who divorce their parent(s)

prayer plant

Here is another prayer plant. Remember? It folds its leaves at night as it prays. In the morning it opens its leaves to welcome a new day. Remember every night to forgive yourself and all those who have wronged or hurt you in any way. Every morning begin your day with appreciation and thanksgiving that God has given you yet another day to live and to forgive, just as he forgives you.

Thank you for visiting me. Please forgive me for being so rough, I call my roughness tough love.  Come and visit again and if you have any secrets to healing you are invited to share them here. 🙂

 

 

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